— This is an old post transferred from my « magalielaniel.com » blog —
Have you ever prepared for something for a long time, but then when it finally happened, it wasn’t like you imagined? This happened to me recently.
I took a decision in October 2015, I was going to retire from the corporate world. It was crystal clear that this was the thing to do. The idea had been creeping on me for a long time, and that week right after our wedding – emotionally going from a most meaningful weekend of my life to an ordinary stressful day at work – reality struck… like an iron pan behind my head. It was hurting and relieving at the same time.
So I told my boss, my colleagues, my friends, my family, and prepared for it for over 6 months, slowly moving my cards, slowly closing things up the best way I could. My husband was working from home already, so I was the only one “keeping us” in the city. I cleaned my closets, gave away boxes and boxes of “stuff”, sold our heavy furniture. I prepared for a simpler, lighter, free-er lifestyle. The lifestyle we had dreamed of for so long.
The plan went just like it was supposed to:
- day zero I finish work;
- day 1 we move to the country;
- day 2 we organize our boxes;
- day 3 we take a break;
- day 4 we start working… for ourselves!
Nothing got in the way, and we did just that. The week went by super quickly, and at the end of the week I wondered “where did all the joy and excitement I imagined go to?” With my head, I truly enjoyed the freedom and calm of the country. With my heart, I felt completely lost, unrooted. And I absolutely did not see it coming.
Why would I feel unrooted for doing what I want to do, and moving 1h away from town? I have traveled almost around the world, I have lived in other countries, I have even gone to boarding school when I was 12! I never felt unrooted, ever. How can THAT be unrooting?
Ha… What I didn’t realize, is that I had NEVER left the frame completely. I had always done everything within the society’s big box called “normal” (although sometimes near the edges). It was normal to go to boarding school, it was normal to travel while I was young, it was normal to live in another country while completing my studies, etc. But this time, it was not normal to retire from the corporate world at 35. What the hell is she doing?
Well, she’s following her heart, maybe?!
It’s too soon to tell where this will lead me, but I guarantee you that it feels just right. That unrooted feeling was just a reality check. Yes, I’m scared, but that’s not a reason not to live.